I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize