we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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