Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
