Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
