Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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