she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
