ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So much Jack, so little girl.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
