You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
