If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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