dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
