...so i touched it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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