I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
