i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
