I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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