Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
