i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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