just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
