my phone needs a breathalizer
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
