this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love you. Go after that dick
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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