ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
