How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
