i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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