if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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