I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize