Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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