My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
