yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
