I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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