We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
