Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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