I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
