Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
