Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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