is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
