He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
