So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's like heaven, but drunker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
