woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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