Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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