Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
