My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
