I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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