things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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