Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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