So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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