Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
