Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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