I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
