your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
