Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
