You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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