am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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