And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
