Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
