I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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