So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
