haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
