If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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