KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
