Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
