It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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