Don't make out with my wife yet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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