Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
