just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
