the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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