I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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