i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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