Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
