You made me cry and you don't even care
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize