fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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