My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
