Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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